I can text with my tongue
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
