dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize