she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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