He disabled his match.com account in front of me
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
