Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize