im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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