Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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