he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
