And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize