All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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