Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
