Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
