Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
