so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
