youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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