You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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