I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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