i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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