That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize