Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
