In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
