Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
