Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
