Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize