We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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