ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
