non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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