Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize