Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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