Pregnant stripper...not hot.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I AM VODKA MAN
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
