I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
love makes seman taste better
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
