just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
