you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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