I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
