i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
