Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize