he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
