can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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