pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize