i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
