omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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