Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
