I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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