12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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