I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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