im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
