If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
