the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Houston, we have a squirter
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
