Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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