I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize