I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize