and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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