ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
So. Much. Porn.
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