so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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