The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
