I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
