Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
