he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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