My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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