Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
