I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
