Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
