even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
