some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
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