Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
