Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize