Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
