i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
