Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
