I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
