dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
