some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize