these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
