If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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