i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
