I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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