I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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