If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
