i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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