I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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