I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I have feelings that need drinking.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
