U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
