Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
